Self Reflections: 6 Moments. 6 Reflections. 6 Feelings.
Observation - AdobeStock Image
All in less than six hours.
Friday, the 3rd of April initially started as a great day. The two-week anniversary of consistency and discipline towards my creative goals had brought the most productive and fulfilling period I had experienced since the start of 2026.
Two weeks of bringing Nines&Co to life have been challenging but rewarding. More updates on that in another post.
My day had started early at 07:35. The first hours of my workday had been dedicated to Nines&Co. As the day unfolded, with my focus on building my dream, I began to feel this deep yearning for success and what it truly meant. Motivation and the fear of failure continued to flash through me, all within the first hour or two. Nines&Co isn’t just an idea or plan to success. It is the road I’m willing to take toward reaching my potential and offering my creative self to the world. The destination is unknown, but I know it’s the route I’m meant to take.
Distractions and obstacles are evident, but changing destination isn’t.
Feeling: Fulfilment
By 09:00, the first thought of work (real work) began to creep in. The notifications on Microsoft Teams, email and WhatsApp were pulling me back to the moment, the current reality of my roles and responsibilities.
09:20. My first important call brought a sense of urgency and anxiety. The prejudgment of reproach dominated my thoughts before swiping to answer (still don’t know why some calls seem to arrive only with that swipe option on screen). The last twelve plus years of my career had come with their ups and downs, but the feelings of doubt about my competency and ability were never common for me. Brain fog and apprehension together do not go well together.
Feeling: Apprehension
Before 10:00, meant that the hardest conversation of the morning was only a few minutes away. It was with an employee. Sharing a decision and direction of change for reasons unrelated to deliverables or performance is a conversation that must take place. The reasons will remain valid, but so to her questions and pleas, also valid. The strength of a single mother will always command respect.
Feeling: Heavy Responsibility
A mother’s love is unmatched. 11:00 brought me a beautiful moment between a mother and daughter. A Mother and her 10 year old daughter sat at a cafe enjoying breakfast together. The mother was beautifully dressed, while her daughter sat across from her, sharing her curiosity and mimicking her mothers style. Both seemed to be enjoying the moment while I admired their bond from afar. As the mother reached across to help cut through her daughter’s pancakes, that feeling mostly ignored crept in. The feeling of motherhood comes and goes from time to time, but the scene in front of me truly made me appreciate my own mother and hope, and pray, that one day I may become one myself.
Feeling: Longing
Praying for the workday to wrap up sooner, 11:50 arrived. The call I had been avoiding all week decided to make its mark on this already emotionally charged morning. The task, which had been due two days earlier, was setting back not only me, but also a colleague from another division. The task involved multiple sources of information to be uploaded into a horrendous and complicated system. The thought of disappointing others and potentially jeopardizing deliverables of the organization weighed heavily on me. The last thing I needed was another test of my competency and professional credibility. Not one, but two calls reminding me of the missed deadline. The urgency to submitting meant I would now have the weekend to finalize everything and in doing so disturb the family time of my colleagues.
Feeling: Guilt.
A secret trip to a once dear, now boycotted venue on Fridays had been recurring lately. From cutting it out of my life for over two years, to returning through secret visits isn’t something I am proud to admit. Friday afternoons are usually quiet and slow, making it easy to enjoy my guilty pleasure in private. Today’s visit seemed to be almost everyone’s idea as well. The usually quiet Friday afternoon brought in a family together. The woman was already seated in the booth, what caught my attention wasn’t a normal family dining out together, but was her stare into the void while her son and husband left her to place their order at the counter. The woman’s decision to not consume or stare at a phone screen made her noticeable. The first thought that came to me was wondering whether she was thinking of her son and how much she loved him, or her husband and how much she appreciated him or whether it was disappointment that occupied her mind. The idea of watching two of the closest people in your life and wondering about them made me reflect on my own experiences, the mother’s love that I had witnessed earlier, and the role of a life partner. Choosing a spouse is one of the hardest choices a person can make. Successful and happy relationships are possible, but the fear of trying and searching for the right one can overshadow the idea of building an enduring union. Does she think of her love for her child and that it’s worth it all?
Feeling: Melancholy
Mona